Many and many a time
during his absence had she wondered how he
would look if he ever came back, and with that
minute conscientiousness which, as it were,
pervaded her whole character, she had held herself
responsible before God for his fate, prayed for
him, and trembled lest evil powers should gain
the ascendency over his soul.
On their way to the house they talked together
of many things, but in a guarded, cautious fashion,
and without the cheerful abandonment of
former years. They both, as it were, groped their
way carefully in each other's minds, and each
vaguely felt that there was something in the
other's thought which it was not well to touch
unbidden. Bertha saw that all her fears for
him had been groundless, and his very appearance
lifted the whole weight of responsibility
from her breast; and still, did she rejoice at her
deliverance from her burden? Ah, no, in this
moment she knew that that which she had foolishly
cherished as the best and noblest part of
herself, had been but a selfish need of her own
heart. She feared that she had only taken that
interest in him which one feels in a thing of
one's own making; and now, when she saw that
he had risen quite above her; that he was free
and strong, and could have no more need of her,
she had, instead of generous pleasure at his
success, but a painful sense of emptiness, as if
something very dear had been taken from her.
Ralph, too, was loath to analyze the impression
his old love made upon him.
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