They told me of the pleasant hours, away from every care,
I could spend when not on duty, in town or anywhere;
But a thing they never told me is the punishment they'd mete
Out to a luckless rookie who went absent from retreat--
In Uncle Samuel's Army.
They told me of the canteen, where good lager beer is sold,
And of the fine post hospital, that cures all kinds of colds;
But a hint about the guard-house they never to me gave,
That skeleton they kept hidden as though buried in a grave--
Until I joined the Army.
They showed me good looking chromos of good looking soldier men,
With little V's upon their sleeves and hats they shone like tin;
But there is one uncanny picture they never to me showed
Of a soldier with a knapsack, and he hitting up the road--
In the U. S. Army.
They told me of the nice soft bunk, made out of woven wire,
Where I could lay my carcass, whenever my bones would tire;
But a whisper of the pick and shovel was never to me told,
So I'm pondering o'er my contract, and I think I was sold--
When I came into Uncle's Army.
They told me of the non-coms, who knew a soldier's worth,
Who made the Army jolly, a place of endless mirth;
But not a word they told me of the amount of beer I'd buy,
Just to keep a "stand in" with those that rank up high--
In Sammy's splendid Army.
They told me of the bill-of-fare that changed with every day,
And when landed in the Army for thirty years I'd stay;
But not a word they told me (No wonder they were mum),
About the stuff they feed us, commonly known as "Slum"--
In our conquering Army.
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