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Lincoln, Joseph Crosby, 1870-1944

"Cap'n Warren's Wards"

"Some of
those folks down there at the postoffice must have pretty nigh forgot
to gossip about me by this time. They've had me eloped and married and
a millionaire and a pauper long ago, I don't doubt. And now they've
probably forgot me altogether. I'll just run down and stir 'em up. Good
subjects for yarns are scurce at that postoffice, and they ought to be
thankful."
On his return he told his niece that he found everything much as usual.
"Thoph Kenney's raised a beard 'cause shavin's so expensive; and the
Come-Outer minister called the place the other denominations are bound
for 'Hades,' and his congregation are thinkin' of firin' him for turnin'
Free-Thinker. That's about all the sensations," he said. "I couldn't
get around town much on account of Abbie. She kept me in bed most of the
time, while she sewed on buttons and mended. Said she never saw a body's
clothes in such a state in HER life."
A few of the neighbors called occasionally. And there were other
callers. Captain Elisha's unexpected departure from Mrs. Hepton's
boarding house had caused a sensation and much regret to that select
establishment. The landlady, aided and abetted by Mrs. Van Winkle
Ruggles, would have given a farewell tea in his honor, but he declined.
"Don't you do it," he said.


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