My mistake was that I didn't
do it in time. The whole thing's absurdly unjust. However, there it is;
the disgrace remains; and I shall have to leave the regiment."
With both hands pressed to his aching brow, Sarudine tossed from side
to side, for the pain in his eye was excruciating. Then, in a fit of
fury, he muttered:
"Get a revolver, rush at him, and put a couple of bullets through his
head ... and then, as he lies there, stamp on his face, on his eyes, on
his teeth!..."
The compress fell to the floor with a dull thud. Sarudine, startled,
opened his eyes and, in the dimly-lighted room, saw a basin with water,
a towel, and the dark window, that like an awful eye, stared at him
mysteriously.
"No, no, there's no help for it now," he thought, in dull despair.
"They all saw it; saw how I was struck in the face, and how I crawled
along on all fours. Oh! the shame of it! Struck like that, in the face!
No, it's too much! I shall never be free or happy again!"
And again through his mind there flashed a new, keen thought.
"After all, have I ever been free? No.
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