You speak of my spirits as if they were at my command, or depressed
only from perverseness of temper. In these you mistake. Believe me,
you cannot wish their return more ardently than I do. I would this
moment consent to become a public mendicant, could I be restored to
the same tranquillity of mind I enjoyed this time twelvemonth. The
influence my letters may have on your studies is imaginary. The idea
is so trite that I ask in hopes it was worn from your mind. My last
year's trials are vouchers. I was always writing with a view to please
you, and as often failed in the attempt. If a desire for my own
happiness cannot restore me to myself, pecuniary motives never can. I
wish you to study for your own sake; to ensure yourself respect and
independence; to ensure us the comforts of life, when Providence
deigns to fit our hearts for the enjoyment. I shall never look forward
with confidence till your pride extends to that. I had vainly
flattered my self that pride was inseparable to true love. In yours I
find my error; but cannot renounce my idea of its being a necessary
support _to_, and the only security _for_, permanent affection.
You see by the enclosed how ready my friends are to receive you, and
promote your interest. I wish you may be fortunate in executing aunt
Clark's business. My health and spirits are neither better nor worse
than when you left me. I thank you for your attention to Bird's
prescription.
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