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Smith, Jewell Ellen, 1915-1998

"Great Jehoshaphat and Gully Dirt"

"What do
y'all wanta hear first? Bandershanks, what do you say?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't y'all start off with 'Turkey in the Straw,' Aunt
Vic said, "and then do 'Arkansas Traveler.'"
So, they played some lively tunes. All of them sounded pretty,
but I couldn't tell which was which.
Then Casey said, "Jim-Bo, sing her the one about being an old
maid!"
"Yeah, Casey, that's a good one. Bandershanks, you're gonna
like this song. It's called 'The Old Maid's Lament.' Hi, gim'me a
few chords to help me along."
Hi started plucking the guitar strings and patting his foot.
And Jim-Bo sang:
My papa tells me I'm pretty,
But I'm sadly much afraid,
If Pa don't put down that shotgun,
I'll go to my grave an old maid.
The boys never come a-courtin';
They dare not darken our door.
O please go find me a-
"You can't be no old maid!" I hollered at Jim-Bo before he
could sing any further.
"Why, Bandershanks! You don't mean it!"
"Just girls turn to old maids!"
"You wanta turn into one?"
"No, I don't! It's a disgrace to be a old maid! And you
better not get a baby 'fore you get married, neither!"
"Well, well, you don't say.


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